Deep Thoughts....... Hold on, this is SO random.

Time to put your tongs down.  Shut off the kitchen light, grab a cup a' joe and come sit down.  Sometimes, no matter how much I love food, cooking it, sharing it, writing about it, there sometimes comes moments when you realize it is time to set ourselves back on a good path.  Does this mean I am on a bad path?  Absolutely not, but in the last 5 years, my opinions, my values, my morals, and the way I choose to try very hard to live has changed. alot.  These are just some things that have been on my mind since Friday.  Well for awhile, just that I finally decided to put them down after Friday.  It is a shame that it takes a horrible tragedy to shake us up.  I don't share alot of my serious personal opinions, or beliefs, because that isn't what my page is about.  But I wanted to just give you a glimpse into the the woman I am, some of my random thoughts on random subjects.  I hope in the end we still respect each other for our differences and still laugh and enjoy cooking together. 

I have been through and am going through alot in my life, and I think because of this, I have grown spiritually and emotionally.   I don't always make the best decisions, but luckily, I haven't made any to horrible yet.  I never discuss politics.  I don't know much about them to be honest, and sadly, I don't care much about them, until of course, it affects me or my family.  I need to change that and become more educated.  It is on my life "to do" list.  I have seen friends and families split over which party runs this country, and it sickens me.  I mean, really?  I disagree with the war we are still fighting, because my son is a soldier.  Do I know all of the reasons we are there?  No.  Do I know that when my son calls to tell us he is deploying, I keep it completely together while I get the details and then fall to my knees in prayer, begging God to keep him safe, to keep him wrapped in his armor and not to let him be taken from me?  You bet I do.  Do I kiss my husband goodbye every single morning and tell him I love him?  Yes, I do, because you never know the last time you will see those you love, just ask the families of those lost in Connecticut.  The people in my life, have become so much more important than any THING in my life.  Maybe at the ripe old age of 37, I finally get "it".  When will people learn their lives aren't measured by how much money or how many THINGS they have?  SO many people still don't get "it". 

I was born and raised Catholic.  I was away from the church for 10 years.  In the last 5 years, I have gone back to church, but it is not a traditional Catholic church.  It is Catholic...but it is unlike any Catholic church you have been to.  Trust me.  It is Catholic gone wild!  Do I completely roll with the Catholic doctrine, no, I do not.  But my soul, and my faith are fed in this church.  I find what I "need", there.  So many people say they don't go to church because they don't believe in organized religion.  What's your point?   I look forward each week to going to the place where like minded people are, to worship together.  You know that whole, "where 2 or more are gathered in my name" thing?  Today, our priest delivered an amazing message.  It was a message asking us to find something we love, something we think we can't live without..and give it to someone who needs it MORE.  Be it something material, or something bigger, like forgiveness,  Just be nice to people.  Why does it have to be more complicated than that?  Be nice.  I don't care what your religion is, and I don't even care if you don't have one, be nice.  Be respectful.  Be a good person.  I am a grudge holder by nature, and I am trying so hard to stop.  I try hard to be a good person, I sometimes fail miserably but, my heart is good, my intentions are good, I just fall sometimes. 

As a former teacher, and a parent, and perhaps with all of things I am going through in my life, I find it hard to believe just as a human, I was not the only one to sit in front of the TV, sobbing.  Yes, I sobbed.  I cried for those parents, I cried for the children who never really got to live, I cried for the teachers, who feel like they should have been able to do something.  Nobody could do anything more, our heads tell us that, but in their hearts they will feel like there was more to be done to keep these babies and teachers/administration safe.   The first responders will wonder, if they had been quicker, could they have saved those victims.  It is human nature to feel you have inadequately done something in a terrible situation as this.  Instead, I feel like it is so important, to get the bigger picture, to get "it".  And for the record, I still am having these little crying spurts.  Why does something like this have to happen to remind us to hug our kids tighter?  Spend more time with them?  To cherish the GIFTS they are to us?

Gun control is another thing I don't discuss.  Do I feel like people should be able to own a gun and protect themselves using it if necessary, yes I do.  Do I understand PEOPLE kill people, guns don't?  Absolutely.  Do I like guns? No, they terrify me. When I see one, all I can think is...my God, someone has so much control with one of these, control to take a human life, to change someones life forever.  Do I think parents can never be careful enough about the accessibility of guns to their children, no, they can't.  Do I feel like we do enough to keep guns out of the hands of those who will misuse them, especially the mentally ill, no I don't think we do, but at the same time, if someone wants a gun, they WILL find a way to get one, buy it, steal it, whatever.  Which leads me to my next issue.......

There is ZERO help for kids 12-18 who have psychological issues.  It is like before 12 they have hope, and after 18 they can just get locked up.  In between is that time where they end up "lost" and out of control.  I know this for a fact.  There is no debate, and without to much detail, been here, done this.  I bought the shirt AND the sweatpants that say "SORRY" across the butt.  As a society, a government, as something, we MUST improve on mental health care, especially for kids!  I am adamant about this, it must be done.  Children are committing suicide, killing people, and likely were screaming silently for help long before their drastic actions.  Bullying, has to stop.  When did we stop teaching our kids to "be nice" to each other?!  The same time we started thinking killing things was cool?  And while I am on the topic...

WHEN did we become so out of touch with the importance of human life?  The GIFT of human life?  When did "killing things" become cool.  Video games?  Television?  I don't know.  I do know, that even though I think I am very in touch with the value of a life, if I hear of a shooting on the news, which I rarely watch, it doesn't really phase me.   Like it is, oh, just another shooting.  It was LIFE, taken away.  When did that stop being shocking and horrible?  Stop being that person who thinks bad things only happen to other people and start learning to get "it".

Can I also ask a question? Why in the HELL are these parents allowing their children to continually be interviews by reporters? WHY would you further traumatize them by having them asked completely out of line questions by reporters who need slapped, over and over again? Are you KIDDING me? And why do we have to have psychiatrists telling people to not let their kids watch the news coverage on TV. Why should a 6 year old in Texas be worried about going to school, unless they were exposed to all the coverage. WHY do parents continue to insist on subjecting their kids by television or discussion of ADULT matters?

Anyway, this, completely out of my realm blog, was of course sparked by Fridays events.  I do not apologize.  I am who I am, my feelings are mine, my opinions and questions are valid....to me.  I live in a world of mutual respect, not only those who are liked minded but respect for those who have different opinions. 

I realize this is like a the ramblings of a crazy woman, but I had so much to say, I just put it down.....unsorted and raw.

Chris

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